Things not necessary but perfect to do to improve productivity
Yesterday some fellow yoga participants and I took our yoga teacher out to lunch for her birthday. It was enormous fun and light hearted—set me up for the perfect afternoon of work that followed. That afternoon, deep in thought, the phone rang and it was Laura thanking me for the lunch and taking time to be with her on “her day”. Absolutely not necessary but perfect.
Good coaches (and yoga teachers and every other kind of guide) have a way of doing these things all the time when you least expect it. They don’t have to provide you with a given piece of support—but they do—they know what you need and when you need it.
When you are a manager, being a coach or trying to be is part of the deal. Good colleagues know that acting as a coach to a fellow team member is important as well to getting projects done and done right and on time. Remember to offer support at odd and unexpected times—people seriously appreciate it and want to prove you right to have called and encouraged them. You will hear—”hey thanks—am on that and appreciate you reminding me—-was going to do it yesterday but will finalize it today.”
Laura made sure I was motivated to get my down-dog right next time. In general, only doing what’s necessary is a poor strategy if your “end in mind” is great relationship and improved productivity. Doing what is necessary is as productive as giving a sensible gift to the one you love on valentine’s day—a new wrench or an iron isn’t going to strengthen the relationship.
Thinking of doing something not necessary but perfect? Do it now.
Pat,
You have perhaps condused me about the next to last paragraph re. “end in mind” rather than just “being” or being in the moment in a realtionship. I am beginning to think that “end in mind” thinking might possibly be perceived as disingenuous or manipulative. Then in you last blog re. “rules” you say,
•Rule ONE: Begin with the end in mind before you act, speak, approach people, participate in any meeting or interact with others.
Care to engage on this one?
Alan:
Thanks for the comment! Happy to engage!
In my view “beginning with the end in mind” is a superior way to attend to others—whether a once in a lifetime encounter, a business colleague or dinner with a “close to the heart” friend. I do not by the way see this as contradictory with the concept of “being in the moment”. Being in the moment is also a universally best practice in relationships. It implies literally “being” with another in any moment of contact and not letting one’s thoughts or words stray away from the focus of the here and now.
If you are being with another your undivided attention and focus is on what is happening right then with this person. This focus and attention communicates and demonstrates respect and interest. These of course are important elements of superior relationships.
You seem concerned Alan that if one is “beginning with the end in mind” RATHER than attending or focusing on the here and now, one might be “perceived as disingenuous or manipulative”. Quite the opposite it seems to me—”beginning with the end in mind” means approaching people with the highest good in mind for the relationship. For instance, with a one time acquaintance or service provide “one’s end in mind” might be to make such people comfortable and feel appreciated, or to show respect for them. With a business colleague your “end in mind” might be to be collaborative with them, best service their account, or provide the help they need from you in a way that is easy for them to hear—even a good like being in business with them/winning their business. With a friend of the heart, your “end in mind” might be to continue to build on and maintain the relationship, or to let them know each time you meet how much you love them and want them in your life. With each of these intentions or “end in minds” clear, you can then just “BE” with people and act in ways that are spontaneous and positive. This is because you KNOW what you want to achieve and will therefore not just respond emotionally (though you might) or with a lack of concern about the outcome. You will hear and see what they are doing and what they need and given your higher aims, respond in a way that is spontaneous AND completely appropriate and useful way for you both.
It well may be that those with poor, disfunctional or selfish “ends in mind” can be self serving or manipulative in relationships. But if this is the case, they likely will not be in the moment either but rather act in a mechanical, distance or otherwise ineffective ways. Because they do not have an appropriate end in mind, they simply act without careful thought about the result of their response. Or worse, not care if the response works for the other person or not. They are simply doing what they do without thought—-yes, thoughtless.
Bottom line? Alan, you make a great point. I assumed that by talking about “ends in mind” that everyone knew I meant GOOD ends in mind. But that might NOT be the case. I agree that being with people is clearly the right thing to do—critical really to being really alive and real with others. But this best practice will likely not be handled by anyone whose “end in mind” is not in fact HIGH minded. We are both right—-by having the right ends in mind, and being with people in the NOW, relationships achieve what is desired, and they work in ways that are genuine, fresh and truly meaningful.
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